Who Thinks Of This Stuff? 6 Underwear Innovations You Never Knew Existed
Being immersed in the lingerie world, I often come across radical products that seem outlandish and unbelievable to the average consumer. While my coworkers and I pause to share a laugh and move on, I can’t help but wonder who comes up with this stuff --- and who really buys it? We designers are constantly encouraged to think outside the box and reach far into the depths of our creative minds while still adhering to the confines of what will sell and what the masses want. We strive to improve on the same old tried-and-true styles while maintaining the essence of their original aesthetic. But some designers are bold enough to go above and beyond, becoming inventors in their own right. While they may not always be solving a human need, they are entertaining us with new ideas we never would have thought could exist otherwise.
On my daily quest for fresh inspiration and newness I have come across six inventive underwear designs that I just had to share today. Hats off to the innovative and free-thinking designers responsible for these products --- which I’ll admit sound a bit absurd at first, but have still managed to pique my interest regardless. I can’t say I would be inclined to spend my hard-earned cash on one of these atypical designs; however, I would consider a test drive if they were to consistently receive positive reviews from a trusted source.
After all, I’ll be the first to admit that I’m a sucker for infomercials and the convincing marketing spiels that accompany them. While I sit in my pj’s totally hooked, wondering “Where has this product been all my life?” I force myself to keep in mind that anything sounding too good to be true unfortunately usually is. It can be quite a let-down when you realize the solution product you had such high hopes for is actually inconveniencing your life, rather then making it easier, due to the unforeseen complications that tend to surface during the first use.
With that said, I wish for these new designs to enjoy prosperity and success. I love to see a small initial spark of an idea catapulted into a full-fledged success story (like Spanx, Hanky Panky, etc). And if these products can accurately live up to their hype, perhaps they too can become household names. Either way I hope they continue to pioneer new lingerie fashion for all of us lingerie lovers.
What: The Wine Rack Bra
Where: www.urbanoutfitters.com, $35.00
Why: This stretchy sports bra comes equipped with a hidden plastic bladder that can hold up to 25 ounces of your favorite alcoholic beverage. A flexible plastic straw allows you easy access for discreet public consumption --- with an on/off valve for leak protection!
Pros: You’ll save money on drinks, avoid the wait at the bar, and increase your cup size at the same time.
Cons: One size fits all is limited to A-D cup sizes, and you can expect your pumped-up cleavage to deflate as you consume.
Verdict: Love it! Could be great for concerts and parties.
What: Camelflage Panties
Where: www.camelflage.com, $19.99
Why: These basic cotton spandex panties contain a sewn-in, flexible insert meant to smooth the appearance of your lady parts under tight clothing. It is also guaranteed to stay put and wicks away moisture at the same time.
Pros: Never worry about embarrassing camel toe again.
Cons: The insert is not removable, so it can only be used in this one garment. You may need to purchase multiple pairs to ensure you are covered in between laundry cycles.
Verdict: Leave it! Too many pairs are needed in order to feel secure on a daily basis. You are better off using a disposable liner so you can still wear your favorite undies whenever you need.
What: Boob Glue
Where: www.boobglue.co, Available April 2013 (Editor's Note: As of August 2014, you can purchase this item at Bosom Couture).
Why: This roller ball glue stick, when applied liberally, will allow you to lift, arrange, and secure your girls into place with a bond that is easily removed with soap and water.
Pros: You’ll have perfect cleavage all day long.
Cons: You’ll be smothering yourself in glue, which doesn’t sound too comfortable. Not to mention the potentially painful removal process and the sticky residue.
Verdict: Leave it! Investing in a good push-up bra seems like a much more logical and sensible solution.
What: RAD Emergency Bra
Where: www.ebbra.com, $49.99
Why: In case of emergency, this ordinary looking bra can be quickly converted into a life-saving face mask to help reduce your inhalation of harmful airborne particles. It also has a radiation-detecting strip at the center front so you can easily determine if the protective mask is needed.
Pros: Potentially life-saving abilities in the event of nuclear air contamination.
Cons: Limited sizing and only available in the red style shown above.
Verdict: Love it! If Hollywood has taught us anything, it’s that you can never be too prepared for a nuclear disaster.
What: C-String Invisible Underwear
Where: www.cstringbikinis.com, $24.00
Why: These nearly invisible panties have coverage in the front with a thong back --- and no waistband. The internal flexible plastic frame guarantees the c-string will hug your body and stay in place throughout the day.
Pros: No more VPL --- and if you’re confident enough to wear it to the beach, no more tan lines either!
Cons: The plastic frame is not the most comfortable when gripping your sensitive areas so closely. There is high potential for shifting and chafing.
Verdict: Leave it! There is no substitute for having a waistband to comfortably hold your bottoms in place.
What: Shreddies Flatulence Filtering Briefs
Where: www.myshreddies.com, £22.00
Why: Save yourself the embarrassment of flatulence odor in these modal jersey panties with a built-in activated carbon layer designed to trap and neutralize foul-smelling vapors. The technology is similar to that used in chemical warfare suits, so you can trust that these things really work.
Pros: You can continue to smell fresh and clean 24 hours a day.
Cons: The high price tag is a deterrent and they are only available in two colors.
Verdict: Leave it! If you have that much offensive flatulence odor, you should probably see your doctor.
Would you ever buy any of these unique products? What other outrageous underwear innovations have you seen advertised?
